Because you truly suck, DirecTV

Dear DirecTV,
I have a HD receiver that was recalled last fall. Funny, you never let me know about it, and I never would have known but I Googled my model number and bingo! Recall. Most of the other people got a phone call or a letter. Not me. Gee thanks. Strike one.

Strike two-the reason I say this is because my receiver, which I've had for two years, is on it's last legs. I have to reset it a few times a day, interrupting my precious television watching. The picture freezes, or when I change the channel, no picture and no sound show up. I'm just glad I found out about the recall, otherwise I'm sure you'd try to charge me for a new one, just like you tried to charge me on the FIRST bill for three free months of premium channels.

And now, the kicker. I've been trying to call since yesterday. Apparently they have those cube-sized Macs like Jerry Seinfeld, because they've been updating since yesterday. They cannot access customers' accounts. Whatch you talkin' 'bout Willis? Seriously? How can a company as big as DirecTV have such crappy customer service?

I waited to call them, because every experience I've ever had sucks more than my vacuum. They are truly stupid. Once in awhile, the gods smile down on me and I get a coherent person, with a personality, who is more than willing to help me. For the most part, I get a representative who apparently is working there to pay off the lobotomy they just got the previous day.

If I wasn't such a rabid, tattoo-sporting member of Red Sox Nation, this craptastic satellite service would be gone faster than you can say boo. But it's my only way to watch the Sox, every day and as often as possible (which is quite a lot).

I'll drive on. And I will try my hardest not to be the rudest, meanest bitch if I so happen to get Lobotomy Larry the next time I call. Honestly.

Because I'm 17 again...

Think back to when you were 17. You were on top of the world, invincible as hell and couldn't wait to grow up and be a real adult.

How many of us would love to feel like that 17 year old again, because we now know what it's like to be a real grown up?

I've been married to an amazing man for almost 13 years. I've totally jipped him out of a lot of me. Yet he's stuck around.

I've got issues, you've got issues, we've all got issues. I have abandonment issues. But when I was 17, I gave myself, all of myself, to someone else, and I ended up crushed and broken at the age of 19, not the same person I was before.

Since then, it's been hard for me to give me, all of me, to anyone else.

I had much time to think with all the driving I did in the past few weeks. What the hell am I doing? I'm screwing up the most perfect relationship with the most perfect man because I couldn't get past something that happened so long ago.

But that's changed. I'm proud to announce the new me, the improved me, the one that will give all of her, heart and soul and body, to her husband. I will no longer hide, afraid of anything.

Hear me roar.

Because I need to vent...

I'm getting up on my soapbox, so if a little anger bothers you, go ahead and go, my feelings will not be hurt.

Here's the deal-we lived on Fort Benning for almost 13 years, surrounded by other military folks. When we moved to Savannah in January, it was weird living among civilians. Nice, but weird.

I realize now that I was sheltered at Fort Benning. I wasn't aware of what happens in the real world. People get divorced, do drugs, work hard and play hard. Not so different from the military community, but where I had lived there wasn't a lot of that.

This is where I need to vent. Most of our friends are civilians. Fine, I don't base my friends on what their job is. Most of them don't know a lick about military life. Okay, so it's my job to educate them.

I explained about Adam's deployments, the length and frequency of them. I've heard a few times, "Oh, that's not too bad. At least it's not 15 months."

I understand that 15 months must suck. But that's not how Adam's unit works. We're lucky enough that it's just a few months at a time, but it's also once a year that these deployments happen.

I want to scream. I want to ask them, "How about you put yourself in my shoes, when you wake up worrying and go to bed worrying for every day of that deployment about your husband? Why don't you parent your child alone, with no family around to help. Then come back and tell me, oh, that's not bad."

I'm not feeling sorry for myself. It's just that if you haven't been through it, you don't know, and telling me that it's not that bad insults me. Have you ever had to go buy a new washing machine on Christmas Eve by yourself, and get your friend to help you bring it in the house and set it up yourself? Then shut it. Have you had to put on a brave face for your 5-year-old son on Christmas morning, when he's opening his presents and your husband is listening through the phone, and it's killing you he's not there?

I know parents who are divorced go through a lot of same things. I have friends who are divorced. But their husband/wife is around to take care of the kids when they can't, or they have family who can relieve them of their parental duties now and then. I don't have that luxury.

My mom has taught me to never minimize someone else's problems or their pain. What might seem silly to you might be huge to me. I might think you're a loon because you lost your favorite pair of undies, but if they mean something to you, then shame on me for thinking that way.

The best advice I can give is to listen, just listen to a military spouse when they talk. You might hear through our bravado our pain, our pride, and our fear. Don't attempt to minimize our feelings. They are very real.

Because I've seen parts of Georgia I didn't need to...

Wow, it's been two weeks since I updated the blog. That would coincide right around when Adam left to California for training. That said, it means I was left to drive Addison all around Georgia for baseball.

This is kind of confusing...Addison played recreation baseball for the town of Pooler. That season ended a few weeks ago. He was one of 12 boys in his age group chosen to be an All-Star for the town. That entailed practices several times a week. He also plays for a traveling tournament team. I know. Basically, it ends up being a shit ton of baseball.

Three weeks ago we had a tournament for the All-Stars in Lyons, Ga. Two days of traveling back and forth. Two weeks ago we were down in Brunswick, Ga., back and forth for two days. Last week we were in Blackshear, Ga., for three days, back and forth.

For a girl who bought her '04 Saturn brand new five years ago and had less than 15,000 miles on it, this was a lot of traveling. I put more than 1,300 miles on my car in those weeks. And, Adam was gone.

But I'm not going to complain. I'm thrilled Addison is good at baseball. I enjoyed our time together through all those hours. Sometimes his friends came with us, and I know he enjoyed that too.

I really could have done without the 100+ degree weather we endured for hours on end. But hey, it's Georgia, right?

Because it's officially summer...

Addison's officially out of school as of last Friday. It's nice to have someone around during the day with me. I'm sure we'll get on each other's nerves at some point, but for now we're totally chillin'.

Although there aren't any kids in the neighborhood that Addison will deem cool enough to play with, he is still involved in baseball, so we have practice almost every weeknight and tournaments on the weekend so he's able to see his friends. We hang out with the other cool baseball parents so that's nice too.

The difference between this summer vacation and others is vast. Fort Benning/Columbus is a big vacuous nowhere. There's not much to do there. But the Savannah area? There's tons of stuff for us to do, and I look forward to spending the summer with the boy, learning more and more about this area I love so much and never want to leave.

Bring on the summer fun!

Because in my past life I might have lived south of the equator...

I like hot weather. There's something sultry about it. It warms my bones, it warms my soul.

Yes I'm the same girl that lived in New England for 22 years. I enjoyed watching the snow fall, but didn't last long playing in it. I hated being cold and wet.

It's true the first year I lived in Georgia I actually started crying because it was still hovering near the 90-degree mark in late September. My body wasn't used to it. It was supposed to be cool and crisp and the leaves were supposed to change to beautiful colors, not dry up and fall to the ground.

Now, 13 years later, I enjoy the hot, sticky weather. I suppose my blood has thinned, and my psyche has gotten used to it. Disney World in July? We didn't think twice about planning our vacation there. When we invited my brother-in-law to be our "manny" he said something about the heat there in Florida. He's a northerner.

My ultimate dream is to be a beach bum in Key West, with a boat drink in one hand, my Kindle in the other, singing along to Jimmy Buffett tunes. A girl can dream, can't she?

Because I'm back from the brink...

Last Sunday (May 31) I woke up feeling like crap. Normally it would be a hangover that I would think made me feel like that, but this was different.

I didn't feel right. Kind of dizzy, throat kind of sore.

Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday were much of the same. I was mobile and getting stuff done, but I didn't feel quite right.

Then Thursday came and I was down for the count. I never sleep during the day even though I could since Addison's at school, but I slept. I knew I had a fever. You just know these things, maybe because I felt like I was going to spontaneously combust at any moment.

Friday was the same. I could barely get off the couch to go to the bathroom. I know I'm sick when I don't have a drop of alcohol on a Friday night.

Saturday I didn't feel great, but I was able to shower, which was badly needed. Greasy hair and me are not very compatible.

I finally feel about 90% normal. There's a ton of this sickness going around, so if you should befall the curse of the sickness, seriously, take it easy. And good luck.